Happy Hour Was Over Hours Ago
by Konstantinsen
Summary: Ruby never really thought she'd end up having to do this again. Picking up someone after a night out was not really a chore she delighted in especially when it was in a city she was not very familiar with, like Argus. On the bright side, at least it wasn't Qrow this time. [one-shot]


Ruby sighed. To think she wouldn't have to be doing this outside of her family yet here she was standing outside of a bar by herself in the middle of downtown Argus at two in the morning during the early autumn drizzle.

Having grown up with an uncle like Qrow and a sister like Yang, a chore such as this ended up being muscle memory. Yet, for some reason, she found it hard to step past the threshold and search the premises for the doofus who had decided to squander time and lien to the point that he needed someone to come over and pick him up.

And why her? Well, everyone else had been busy doing errands. Qrow, at least, was being productive and prodding for alternatives to the blockade enforced by the Atlesian military garrison on the island outside the city...or he was done and either had clocked back in at the apartment or was out drinking halfway across Argus...or maybe he was in this one too.

Gods knew where he was. Unlike the person she was looking for, her uncle could take care of himself so she didn't worry too much about him.

"What are you doing here, kid?" the bouncer asked.

"I'm eighteen years old," Ruby lied.

The bouncer gave a skeptical one-over before stretching out his hand. "ID."

She fished out her wallet and handed him her 'credentials.' She may be in a Mantlese city with Atlesian laws but this was still Mistral and over the past weeks, Qrow had run them through his web of underground contacts where they suckled on the nectar of black market benefits inclusive of the finest forgers in all of Remnant. Such forgers were so skilled that the bouncer was easily fooled by her false credentials and stepped aside so she could step in.

"Man, Huntsman and Huntresses are looking younger and younger," she heard him mutter as she passed him by.

The first thing to hit her was the sleaze. Everything from the slow jazz buzzing out the speakers to the paint peeling off the drywall to even the smell of nicotine, beer, and urine. This place was perfect for her uncle. Or perhaps even Yang when she was cooling down from a fit or after she burned down a nightclub.

The next thing she noticed was the lack of clientele. Or maybe because it was two in the morning and happy hour was over hours ago. Most everyone else would have usually packed up and gone home already, leaving only the skeleton crew and a few persistent drinkers to push on.

For tonight, it appeared that the only persistent drinker still hanging around was her friend. Dummy was slouched over the bar while the very disinterested bartender dispassionately scrubbed empty glasses. Said bartender paused to scrutinize her before shrugging.

"Can I get you something?" he asked.

"No, I'm just here to pick him up."

The barkeep grunted. "About time. My shift was over half an hour ago."

"Don't you have someone else on rotation?" Ruby queried.

"Look, lady, this place ain't exactly five-star. We close an hour after midnight but a general rule we got running here is that we can't really kick out our customers if they're really deep into it and still paying for it." He gestured at the young, disheveled, intoxicated Huntsman moaning into the varnished oak surrounded by a cemetery of empty liquor bottles. "Your friend here has been deep into it for the past three hours."

Ruby sighed again. "Oh gods... Jaune."

Jaune stirred.

The diminutive Huntress rubbed his back. "Hey. Jaune, wake up. Wake up. Jaune Arc!"

A burp. "Who's she?"

She groaned. "You, dummy. You're Jaune. And it's me, Ruby."

A hiccup. "Who's she~?"

"Ugh." Ruby had expended her half her patience combing through this whole district of Argus looking for him. She had no time for any more crap. "It's me, Ruby Rose. Wake up, you. We need to go. I got you."

"Ruby~...? Rubes... Is that...is that you?" he slurred.

"Yeah, it's me. Now, come on. We need to get back to the apartment so Saphron could simmer down and not cut off your head when you get back." She slipped her arm under him and was about to heave him off when she heard the bartender tap the oak.

"Hold on, now. He still hasn't paid."

Ruby saw this coming. Qrow did this a lot. She tossed out a handful of lien cards onto the table, about enough to cover Jaune's whole tab. "Keep the change."

The barkeep looked over the money and shrugged. "Sure. Thanks. Have a good night."

Ruby whistled from out the door. "You too, sir!"

Jaune burped into her shoulder. "You too, Rubes..."

* * *

It was a good thing the bar was only a few blocs away from the apartment. With Argus being a wealthy city, every streetlight was brightly lit and the sidewalks were decently swept clean. Even then, the tidiness did nothing to assuage the discomfort of dragging her friend across puddles while enduring the unending light rain.

Ruby had forgone pulling out the umbrella, instead tucking it above Crescent Rose behind her, and had her hands occupied with carrying Jaune up the street.

"Rubes~... Ruby~..."

"What?" Gods, why did he have to talk directly into her ear? She could smell the alcohol off his mouth.

Jaune sniggered. "I like your cloak..."

Huh. "Yeah. Thanks."

Another bloc more and they would be out of this weather. Good thing they were trained to be Huntsmen and Huntresses else Ruby would have caved under the weight of her friend, armor and all. At least he was a controlled drunk; Crocea Mors appeared to have been left untouched in his scabbard for the whole night.

"Hey... Hey, Rubes..."

"What is it?"

Jaune nearly stumbled, putting a strain on Ruby who thankfully held firm. "I like...I like your outfit. Nya-hah~"

Ruby rolled her eyes. Gods, at least he wasn't vomiting on top of her. What a dummy. Still, drunk or not, the compliments were nice and it gave her a reason to smile all the way up to the apartment.

* * *

The lights were out in the Cotta-Arc household with only the porch lit and the street lamps clearing away the mist of the rain.

The both of them were drenched and Ruby swore her clothes now bore the full stench of beer and gin and whatever it was that drunks drank thanks to the weight of a tower like Jaune sagging over her shoulders. She managed to hold up the umbrella on the long walk back though by the time she climbed up the steps, water had seeped through her boots as well as her cloak and her sleeves.

At least it wasn't too dark out tonight.

Jaune was humming something indiscernible as she fished her pockets for the keys. Then he leaned in close to her ear. "Rubes...you smell nice..."

Ruby hummed back if only to reciprocate in some way and to hide the fact that she was feeling butterflies in her stomach because of that. Gods, keep it together, girl. Find the keys quick.

"You're so cute..."

Oh gods... Did he just...? No. No. Get the key in, turn the door knob, and head inside before the weather would get any worse.

Jaune nearly stumbled over the carpet and she had to yank back on his arm to keep herself from face-planting the floor with him. "Jaune, we're inside. You need to dry up."

"I like you~"

Wait. What? Ah, forget it. It's just the alcohol talking. "Uh-huh."

Ruby eased her friend into the living room and sat him down on the couch. Saphron was not going to like having a drenched sofa but then again, she could deflect her anger towards her idiot brother who was being a stupid, drunk idiot saying stupid, silly things that...that were...that were actually really nice...but also just plain stupid and silly.

Dummy.

"Shit... Taking me to bed already? Wow... You're so forward, Rubes~"

Oh gods, shut up, you doofus! Stop making this weird. "Your armor is wet."

"You're wet~? Oh shit... We're going too fast..."

Ruby groaned and dug behind the small of his back to unclip the latches holding his chest-plate together. Ugh, this was so weird. "Don't squirm so much. I can't reach."

Jaune made an attempt to wrap his arms around her only to end up slouching over her again, his head dipping down onto her shoulder while his arms hung limp over hers. "Ssstop it~... I'm not ready yet..."

Ignore him. Keep working the straps. "Stop squirming."

"I really, really like you~"

Finally, the latches clicked loose and the rest of his armor easily fell off to the floor, revealing his adorable Pumpkin Pete hoodie darkened in either his sweat or the rain. Or probably both with maybe some liquor as well with how much he reeked of it. Great; now she had to take that off too else he was going to catch a nasty cold in the morning.

Ruby dug her hands into the hem of his hoodie and tugged up. "Come on. We need to get this off. It's wet and stinky."

"Aww~... You're too forward..."

Jaune was not helping. At all. "Lemme...lemme get my pants~..."

"Jaune, no." She snatched his hand and angled it over his shoulder as she managed to haul his hoodie—oh gods, it smelled—off his head. She tossed it to the side and was greeted with a set of moist abs. It was not the first time she saw them but with the way the night was going, it was hard to ignore those finely chiseled buns. As well as a certain set of thoughts that came with admiring them.

Gah! Get a grip, girl!

"Rubes~... You're my...you're my bestest friend..."

"Yeah. Same," she deflected, leaving him to slouch against the couch while she set to work undoing the laces of his boots. "You're a mess, you know that?"

Jaune threw his head back and let out a gargled laugh. "Messed up for you, baby~"

Oh for the love of Remnant... Did it get hot in here or something? "Jaune. Be quiet. Please."

"Mmm~..."

Ruby finally got his boots off and raised his legs up against the armrest to dry.

Jaune was now mumbling drunkenly to himself on Saphron's couch. Shirtless. Wet. With a stupid grin on his face that made Ruby's cheeks burn. And the stuff he was saying...

"Hey, Ru-ru~?"

'Ru-ru'? Seriously, Jaune? Ruby shook her head and, dare she admit it, was tickled enough by her new nickname that she decided to at least humor him. "What, Vomit Boy?"

"I gotta..." Hiccup. "I gotta tell you sum'thin'..."

"What is it?"

"Come closer, hnyah-hah-hah..."

Ruby bit her lip. Did she really want to? He stunk. He was wet. He was shirtless. He was...really like those dirty boy magazines that she once found hidden under Yang's bed.

Ugh. Just do it, girl. She adjusted herself on the edge of the couch, with her behind scratching his abdomen, and leaned in close to his chin. "What is it?"

"I... I really... I really, really like you..."

"Yeah." She got it. Stop saying it because it was making things really weird. Not that it was a bad thing. "You've told me that ten times tonight already."

"No, Ruby... It's that I really..." Jaune squirmed and nearly fell off the sofa forcing Ruby to push forward to keep him from dropping onto the carpet.

The Huntress helped him to lay on his back once more on the cushioned leather. Her hands were still over his when he took hold of her wrist and angled his head up to hers. His eyes were foggy but his dopy smile somehow defused whatever resistance she could put up.

Gods, why was he being so...adorable!?

"I love you, Ruby."

Glass. Breaking.

Ruby Rose has stopped working. Neuron microprocessors shutting down. Rebooting. Silver eyes blinked in response. "I...wh-what?"

Jaune gave her a wide, inebriated smile. "I love you, girl. You're my honey, you...you'z iz my sweetie pie, Rubes... I love you."

Her jaw worked itself like a guppy out of water until she mustered the self-control to turn her head away. Without letting go of him. This was platonic love, right? It has to be. "... I love you, too, dummy."

At that, Jaune's most sober response was an inebriated laugh that ended with him snoring into the back of his arm. Meanwhile, Ruby sat on his lap. Staring down at him, admiring the fruits of his labor on his bare stomach. Before she knew it, her fingers were running between the grooves and the mounds.

Gods, he was getting ripped. Chiseled muscle never felt so...so, so good to the touch.

All those months traveling from Patch to Mistral, crossing seas in bullheads, trekking through wilderness with this dummy by her side. Camping out in the wilds and enjoying breaks by scenic watering holes. The private moments they had together as a team, as friends, as really good friends...close friends...

It was when Ruby had her hand on his cheek that she croaked out most non-platonically, "I love you, too, Jaune."

* * *

The guest rooms were comfortable enough to be tempting to drop into after combing through a whole district of Argus on her own looking for the dummy sleeping on the couch downstairs. Ruby resisted for his sake though and without flicking on the lights, shuffled inside to the closet where she knew some spare blankets were kept.

The hallway light cast a sharp angle into the room, exposing an empty bed where her sister was supposed to be. The blankets were ruffled though and Ruby noticed a sliver of light under the bathroom door.

"Hey Yang," the reaper croaked. "I found Jaune...he's downstairs...I'm just going to get some stuff here so he won't get cold...I'll be in bed in a bit...see you later..."

Had Ruby been more alert, she would have actually bothered to knock on the door first to at least get a proper reaction from her sister. Instead, she ambled out of the darkened room too distracted to notice Yang slowly opening the door and curiously peeking out.

* * *

An hour later, Ruby slumped against the couch across from the sofa, drained and confused. Jaune was snoring comfortably underneath the spare blanket. His dirty clothes were already in the laundry bin while his breastplate and greaves were replaced up on the mantel of the fireplace alongside Crocea Mors, out of reach for everyone's safety.

Ugh, why did Jaune have to be such a dummy and go out drinking like Qrow? Did Qrow put him up to this? Speaking of which, she had not seen her uncle in a bit she dreaded having to go out again to collect him for the second time this week.

She was too tired for this.

"You dummy," she heard herself muttering. "Drunk, dummy Jaune...and your stupid one-liners...cheesy, stupid compliments..."

Ruby felt sleep coming over her. Having dressed more comfortably, her own clothes lumped in with Jaune's in the bin, she found it easier to drift off on the couch. She pulled up her legs and crumpled up between the armrests.

"Stupid Jaune... Why'd you have to be so darn cute..."

Jaune snored back.

"... Of course, I love you...you dummy..."

Ruby yawned as she curled up on the couch.

"...my dummy..."

She had a nice dream that night. It was sweet and lovely even though she wouldn't be able to remember any of it when she would wake up hours later.

* * *

Four pairs of eyes and a sharp red light glowed from the darkness of the second floor down the stairs into the living room.

"Wow. She actually said it."

"Didn't think she was actually feeling that way towards him of all people."

"They were best friends since the first day of Beacon. What'd you expect?"

"My baby bro finally has a girlfriend!"

Even in the dimly lit corridor of the apartment, the other three girls of team RWBY stared at Saphron who held up her scroll still recording the whole scene. The four of them lay crouched on the carpet, trying to be as silent as possible.

"Uh, jumping the gun there a bit?" Yang remarked uneasily.

"Oh, I'm just being optimistic," the older Arc chirped.

"You can stop recording now," Weiss said. "They're already asleep."

"Just a few more seconds."

Blake sighed. "You're never going to let them live this down, huh."

Saphron shrugged with a radiant glow. "What are older sisters for?" She clicked off on her scroll, saving the whole recording. "Besides, Jaune needed the liquid courage to man up."

The girls rounded on her, Yang the most surprised out of them. "Wait, what?"

"You knew?" Weiss gasped.

"Is that why you had us go on those 'very important' errands right before we figured out that Jaune was missing?" Blake narrowed. "And Ruby happened to be the only person who was free who could go out looking for him?"

"Thanks for those errands, by the way," Saphron deflected guiltlessly, her bright smile never once wavering as she got up and pranced back to her room.

Yang simpered. "Slick."

Weiss huffed. "Sly woman."

Blake shook her head and dragged the other two back to their rooms to get some shut eye because it was three in the morning and happy hour was over hours ago.

* * *

**ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: August 23, 2019**

**LAST EDITED: October 6, 2019**

**INITIALLY UPLOADED: October 6, 2019**


End file.
